How ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ affects gay families and what to do about it
Family Fairness was created shortly after President Obama's election, and I believed that this blog would never have to address Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT), the policy responsible for the discharge of approximately 13,000 gay and lesbian soldiers. Sixteen years after its inception, the homophobic law remains in place, burdening an estimated 150,000 families of forcibly closeted servicemen and women. In honor of Memorial Day, and to recognize the sacrifice of the many gays and lesbians in our armed forces, I would like to take a moment to explore the impact of DADT on families, and what can be done to help alleviate the problems until the policy is revoked.
DADT states that "[t]he military will discharge members who engage in homosexual conduct, which is defined as a homosexual act, a statement that the member is homosexual or bisexual, or a marriage or attempted marriage to someone of the same gender." Gay and lesbian members of the military must keep their families a secret for fear of discharge. One gay service member even explains that putting up a photo of your partner or child can be a risk because it provokes questions from peers and superiors. This forced secrecy means LGB soldiers cannot request the benefits available to heterosexual families for their own partners or children. Families of gay and lesbians are barred from receiving survivor benefits, living in military housing, and having access to the Department of Defense's support network. Even more troubling, children face often impossible hurtles in receiving healthcare, education, and other necessities typically furnished to military families. Special accommodations for soldiers with ill or pregnant family members or special needs children are withheld from gays and lesbians who must keep their relationships concealed.
Unfortunately, many of the obstacles these families face cannot be overcome while DADT is in place. However, there are a few steps that can be taken. Gay service members and their partners are advised to consult a competent attorney who can assess their individual situation and proscribe a plan. Though attorney-client privilege prevents your military judge advocate general (JAG) from sharing your sexuality with your superiors, some gays and lesbians still feel uncomfortable opening up to a military lawyer. For them, a private practitioner would be a better choice, as the federal government has absolutely no jurisdiction over these conversations.
The most important thing to consider is the variety of alternatives to marriage available to same-sex couples, particularly the rights that can be obtained during estate planning. Setting up a health care proxy will give your partner the ability to make medical decisions for you in the event that you are unable. A durable power of attorney agreement goes even further, and enables your partner to make almost any legal decision for you on your behalf. Naturally, it is also a good idea to prepare a will or trust that can provide for your partner and family in the event of your death. Finally, if you and your partner share a child, ensure that one of you has gone through a second parent adoption so that both of you are able to care for him or her.
If these documents are prepared with a private attorney, the military will likely never be aware of their existence. Even if they do come to light, none are indicative of your sexuality in the same way that a marriage, civil union, or domestic partnership would be. While not as simple, easy, or comprehensive as marriage or marriage-like institutions, the above legal alternatives help to ensure that some of the most important rights and privileges still protect you and your family. Again, an attorney who specializes in this area can help to draft whatever documents would be most necessary given your situation.
DADT puts an increasingly painful burden on families of gay and lesbian soldiers as more states begin to offer relationship recognition. Fortunately, legal alternatives do exist. And though the military teaches LGB service members to ignore their sexuality, ignoring the risk your family faces without the aid of these legal structures is unwise.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.West Virginia Senate Approves Bill Protecting LGBs from Housing Discrimination
One out of every three people who identify as gay or lesbian report that they or someone they know has been unable to rent or buy a home because of their sexuality, according to a survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Even more have experienced discrimination in other forms, including being denied the ability to list both partners' names on their home's deed or lease, or facing insurance companies who refuse claims or cancel policies because they are "unrelated".
There is federal protection against housing discrimination on the basis of race, color, national origin, religion, sex, family status, or disability, but not sexual orientation or gender identity. To date, only twenty states protect gays and lesbians seeking a home, fifteen of which also extend protections to transgender individuals.
The West Virginia Senate approved a bill last week that would make it the twenty-first state to disallow discrimination in housing on the basis of sexuality. The bill also protects gay employees from being fired for their sexual orientation. It must still be approved by the state's House, where similar legislation failed to pass last year.
Family Fairness recognizes the importance of laws protecting LGBT families from discrimination in housing, and so we will be adding information about your state's policies in our State of the Law section.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.