For Richer Or Poorer: Advice for Couples Planning on a Worry-Free Future
This is a guest post from Robert A. Dienelt, a Financial Advisor and Accredited Asset Management Specialist (AAMS) from Jackson, Mississippi. While Family Fairness usually discusses the legal side of family planning, Robert will be talking about financial considerations all couples should make before marrying, registering their civil union or domestic partnership, or using legal documents to grant their partners rights.
Every spousal financial relationship is unique. Through the years, couples develop their own systems for handling financial matters. Sometimes it is one partner's responsibility to manage all finances, sometimes the other's, and sometimes a combination. Whatever the situation, certain information should be shared.
Couples should consider mutual responsibility for and knowledge of:
- Retirement plans: Take time to fully acquaint each other with employer retirement benefits. Both partners should have current knowledge of pension plans, 401(k) accounts, and IRAs. For a complete picture of expected retirement benefits, become familiar with each other's Social Security benefits as well. Understanding retirement benefit information will bring clarify and facilitate retirement planning.
- Credit card documents: This one can be scary. Some may prefer to not know how much credit card debt their spouse has accumulated. But it's wise to know where to find account numbers in case one loses his or her wallet and needs the other to help cancel the card. Also, mutual awareness of credit card debt amounts will help with developing a family's overall financial plan.
- Power of attorney: It is generally a good idea to have power of attorney on any individually owned assets, just in case one partner becomes ill or otherwise unavailable. Power of attorney can be limited to specific functions for a certain period, such as selling stocks or withdrawing money while traveling. A broad document that authorizes each partner to handle almost any situation in the other's absence is also a consideration.
- Wills, trusts, and life insurance: It's especially important to share information about wills, trusts, and life insurance if either has been married before. There could be restrictions on how some assets may be used and beneficiaries left unchanged by mistake. Most important, make sure each partner knows where to find the will and can easily access it if something were to happen.
- Health insurance policies: Most insurance companies will cover care administered in the first 24 to 48 hours of a medical emergency, even if the coverage details have not been sorted out. But the situation isn't as clear with hospital visits that are less urgent. If each partner is covered under a different insurance plan, both should be familiarized with the requirement "hoops" they may have to jump through. If one spouse had a sudden illness, would the other know which doctor to call first to get an okay for treatment? If not, they risk running up big bills at an out-of-network doctor.
- Business loans: If one spouse owns a business or is a partner in a professional firm, both should know about any personally guaranteed loans. It is critical to be aware of liabilities since household assets can be hit if the business can't repay the loan.
While many don't necessarily need to know everything about their spouse's finances, maintaining a working knowledge of the above points can help maintain proper, balanced control over a family's financial affairs.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.What Will the Affordable Health Care for America Act do for LGBT Families?
The House of Representatives yesterday passed the health reform bill, the Affordable Health Care for America Act, by a vote of 220-215. The Wall Street Journal reports the several key provisions of the bill including capping health insurance costs for low- and middle-income families, creating a program for individuals to find policies—including a government-run public option—disallowing insurance companies to drop coverage for pre-existing conditions, and requiring certain employers to provide more comprehensive coverage. The bill also includes a few provisions designed to help gay and lesbian individuals and their families.
The Human Rights Campaign has identified several important, new benefits for LGBT Americans. The two most key among them:
Unequal Taxation of Domestic Partner Benefits – the bill ends the unfair taxation of employer-provided domestic partner health benefits, incorporating the language of the Tax Equity for Health Plan Beneficiaries Act. Without this tax penalty, more people will be able to afford employer-provided coverage for their families, and more companies will be able to offer these important benefits.
Non-discrimination – the bill prohibits consideration of personal characteristics unrelated to the provision of health care. HRC worked with a coalition of civil rights groups to develop and lobby for this language and we believe it will help protect LGBT people from discrimination in the health care system, where there are currently no federal protections for our community.
The Tax Equity for Health Plan Beneficiaries Act addresses the problem that, although employer-provided health insurance coverage for spouses is tax exempt, domestic partners must pay income tax on the benefits they receive from their partner's employer. If the bill becomes law, domestic partners will no longer pay this additional, inequitable tax.
HRC further reports that the bill "designates LGBT people as a health disparities population" giving our community data collection and grant programs that focus on the health issues related to sexual orientation and gender identity. It also extends Medicaid coverage to early HIV treatment, and funds comprehensive sex education.
The future is uncertain, with the vote of the Senate still required on their version of the bill, approval of both chambers on a final, synthesized version, and President Obama's signature. While the President has indicated his intent to sign, and is "absolutely confident" that the bill will pass the Senate, according to CNN, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid remains uncertain, while Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut promises a filibuster of any bill containing a public option.
Have a question, comment, or response? 1 person does.Mediation for Gay and Lesbian Break Ups
Family Fairness is honored to host a guest post from Family Mediator Rich Gordon. Mr. Gordon discusses the difficulties same-sex couples face when their relationships end. Unlike opposite-sex married couples, same-sex couples in long-term unions do not have the luxury of turning to the courts for assistance when determining child custody, property division, pets, bills, or any of the number of joint obligations taken on during a partnership. Instead, Mr. Gordon recommends these couples look to a family mediator for assistance:
Sarah and Beth have lived together for seven years. They intended to live happily ever after, but as too often happens, they drifted apart and their relationship started to strain at the edges. Communications was cut off. Sex was a bother rather than a pleasure. They no longer laughed together. It was time to end it and move on.
Unfortunately there were "entanglements" which had to be addressed. There was the house they purchased and decorated together. There were credit card bills to face. There were life insurance policies taken out during better times. They had but one car to share between the two of them. Who would get the dog? There was only one CD player and so many discs. The biggest issue, however, was Margo; Sarah had given birth, but both were the child's parents.
Unlike straight couples, gay and lesbian couples do not have the option of turning to the law for an answer. Straight couples can use case law and statutes to untangle their relationships and property; gay and lesbian couples cannot. The law often does not protect the individuals of a same sex marriage as it does heterosexual couples. There are no rights of spousal support, visitation, pension benefits or other community property protections.
One solution for this problem is mediation. Through this process, parties can work on solutions that are not available to them through the traditional court system. By selecting mediation, the parties in a dissolving relatcionship are choosing to take charge of their lives by maintaining their sense of dignity and self-esteem. They are saying that they prefer to end their relationship in a cooperative, forward thinking way, which minimizes the anger associated with the break up.
A skilled and experienced mediator is able to create a safe place and a cooperative environment that encourages the parties to engage in open and honest discussion. The mediator's role is that of an impartial neutral. He must identify the issues, explore each parties underlying interests, and balance the power within the relationship.
A mediator is NOT an advocate for either party, nor does he make the decisions which affect the settlement. They are trained to listen and help each of the parties to stay focused on the task at hand. During the course of mediation, the parties are encourage to discuss all of the issues and explore the various options they have to resolve their differences.
The final product of a successful mediation is a Memorandum of Understanding. This is analogous to the Martial Settlement Agreement for straight couples. The Memorandum of Understanding is a contract that sets forth the details and specifics of the mutually agreed to decisions. If either party breaches any of the terms, the other has a right to sue for enforcement in a court of law.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.How to take care of your children after you die
Certainly no one enjoys acknowledging their mortality. But there is a lot more to estate planning than simply thinking about your own death. Young parents are particularly guilty of not making arrangements in the event of their passing, which can leave young children in a difficult place financially and emotionally. Gay and lesbian parents often have particularly tragic cases, especially when their families cannot be held together by the benefits of marriage.
Fortunately, there are three relatively quick and easy steps to take that can help ensure that your children will be taken care of:
- Pick and name guardians - Make a list of short- and long-term guardians you want taking care of your children if you pass away. This will enable you to ensure that your children will be raised by the persons of your choice rather than, for example, a parent with whom you ideologically disagree. You can select your partner to be your child's guardian, which is especially useful if your partner has not completed a second parent adoption (which he/she should). You can also name siblings, friends, or other members of your family to care for your children in the event that both you and your partner are not able.
- Get Life Insurance Policy - Your selected guardian will likely not be prepared for the sudden extra expense your children will bring. To ensure that your child's quality of care is still sufficient, a life insurance policy helps to smooth the financial transition. For just a small amount of money each month, you can receive peace of mind that your children's guardian will have the financial resources to care for him or her. This is especially necessary if you are the primary earner in the relationship and your partner would need to care for your children.
- Leave behind mementos - Surely we plan to be around for all of the major stages in our child's life, but in the event of our early passing, your child may be deprived of having his or her mother or father with them during those important times. Leaving behind voice or video recordings or letters is a wonderful gift for a child who may have been too young at the time of your death to remember you and your life lessons. Leaving behind such a legacy will mean your child can still benefit from your values even if you are not there to provide them.
A good estate planning attorney should be able to assist you in all of these areas, as well draft a will or trust to handle your property. All of these steps just require a bit of pre-planning to help avoid a great deal of burden later on. While planning for the worst is difficult, the comfort of knowing that things will be taken care of is a substantial reward.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.Oregon, New Mexico, and D.C. Laws Good for Two Mothers, Bad for Two Fathers
In many states, same-sex couples face difficulties when trying to obtain parental rights. Because birth certificates often demand the names of the biological mother and father, the female partner of the birth mother or male partner of the sperm donor are frequently left out. However, some states are beginning to pass laws aimed at correcting this inequity.
Washington D.C. recently enacted the Domestic Partnership Judicial Determination of Parentage Act of 2009, a law which states that the domestic partner of a woman who gives birth to a child through artificial insemination is automatically the legal parent of the child. New Mexico is poised to enact a similar law in 2010, and Oregon granted the same rights to lesbian parents in an appellate case, Shineovich v. Kemp. These new laws are tremendous victories for lesbian mothers who previously needed second parent adoption agreements and the consent of the biological father to obtain joint custody. Unfortunately, none of these laws address the needs of gay fathers.
In each of the three states, there is no provision of law designed to recognize the partner of a sperm donor. Complicating matters, many states, including Washington D.C., have made surrogacy illegal. Even in states that permit such agreements, many require that the surrogate not be financially compensated, and permit her to claim parental rights if she changes her mind following the birth of the child. Even once these factors are overcome, the male partner who did not donate his sperm is still required to go through a second parent adoption agreement, which can be costly and time-consuming. However, if a second parent adoption is not performed, the male partner will be left with no parental rights.
Even more concerning, given the infancy of laws recognizing the female partner of a birth mother, it is likely that those of Oregon, New Mexico, and D.C. will become the template for other states wishing to pass similar laws to the exclusion of gay fathers.
It is important that states pass laws recognizing the female partner of birth mothers, but it is also important that these laws contain provisions recognizing the male partner of birth fathers as well. Until then, male same-sex couples will continue to face expensive and lengthy legal gymnastics when trying to conceive a child.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.How ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ affects gay families and what to do about it
Family Fairness was created shortly after President Obama's election, and I believed that this blog would never have to address Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT), the policy responsible for the discharge of approximately 13,000 gay and lesbian soldiers. Sixteen years after its inception, the homophobic law remains in place, burdening an estimated 150,000 families of forcibly closeted servicemen and women. In honor of Memorial Day, and to recognize the sacrifice of the many gays and lesbians in our armed forces, I would like to take a moment to explore the impact of DADT on families, and what can be done to help alleviate the problems until the policy is revoked.
DADT states that "[t]he military will discharge members who engage in homosexual conduct, which is defined as a homosexual act, a statement that the member is homosexual or bisexual, or a marriage or attempted marriage to someone of the same gender." Gay and lesbian members of the military must keep their families a secret for fear of discharge. One gay service member even explains that putting up a photo of your partner or child can be a risk because it provokes questions from peers and superiors. This forced secrecy means LGB soldiers cannot request the benefits available to heterosexual families for their own partners or children. Families of gay and lesbians are barred from receiving survivor benefits, living in military housing, and having access to the Department of Defense's support network. Even more troubling, children face often impossible hurtles in receiving healthcare, education, and other necessities typically furnished to military families. Special accommodations for soldiers with ill or pregnant family members or special needs children are withheld from gays and lesbians who must keep their relationships concealed.
Unfortunately, many of the obstacles these families face cannot be overcome while DADT is in place. However, there are a few steps that can be taken. Gay service members and their partners are advised to consult a competent attorney who can assess their individual situation and proscribe a plan. Though attorney-client privilege prevents your military judge advocate general (JAG) from sharing your sexuality with your superiors, some gays and lesbians still feel uncomfortable opening up to a military lawyer. For them, a private practitioner would be a better choice, as the federal government has absolutely no jurisdiction over these conversations.
The most important thing to consider is the variety of alternatives to marriage available to same-sex couples, particularly the rights that can be obtained during estate planning. Setting up a health care proxy will give your partner the ability to make medical decisions for you in the event that you are unable. A durable power of attorney agreement goes even further, and enables your partner to make almost any legal decision for you on your behalf. Naturally, it is also a good idea to prepare a will or trust that can provide for your partner and family in the event of your death. Finally, if you and your partner share a child, ensure that one of you has gone through a second parent adoption so that both of you are able to care for him or her.
If these documents are prepared with a private attorney, the military will likely never be aware of their existence. Even if they do come to light, none are indicative of your sexuality in the same way that a marriage, civil union, or domestic partnership would be. While not as simple, easy, or comprehensive as marriage or marriage-like institutions, the above legal alternatives help to ensure that some of the most important rights and privileges still protect you and your family. Again, an attorney who specializes in this area can help to draft whatever documents would be most necessary given your situation.
DADT puts an increasingly painful burden on families of gay and lesbian soldiers as more states begin to offer relationship recognition. Fortunately, legal alternatives do exist. And though the military teaches LGB service members to ignore their sexuality, ignoring the risk your family faces without the aid of these legal structures is unwise.
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