Married on the Internet - Even if your state doesn’t allow it
Professors Mae Kuykendall and Adam Candeub of the Michigan State University College of Law collaborate on a legislative initiative called the E-Marriage Project. Their latest article, E-Marriage: Breaking the Marriage Monopoly, argues that "couples can use internet communications not only to marry when separated by great distance, but also to choose which state's laws will authorize their marriage."
According to the professors, physical residence in a state has historically never been a requirement that states must impose on couples before marriage. In fact, couples with one member in the military have long taken advantage of the ability to marry by proxy, and these marriages have been legal and valid.
Though the E-Marriage Project does not suggest that a couple's home state would be required to recognize the marriage, they do support legislation in each state that authorizes out-of-state couples to marry via the telephone, mail, or Internet. A law of this type would have a great impact on the gay and lesbian community, whose marriage prospects are currently limited to six states. Many out-of-state couples traveled to Massachusetts and Iowa from the surrounding states when they began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex partners, and E-Marriage could offer a gateway to nuptials for other Southern, Mid-West, or Pacific couples who cannot physically travel to Iowa or New England.
While, for instance, an Arizona couple E-Married in Vermont would receive no formal recognition or marital benefits in Arizona, the ability to obtain a marriage license without the expense and difficulty of travel allows for a symbolic bond that cannot be replaced. Additionally, couples can perform ceremonies in their own state surrounded by friends and family.
E-Marriage may do little for same-sex partners seeking legal rights, but is a step in the right direction to break down barriers and bring marriage equality to all 50 states. Family Fairness will be keeping an eye on the project and supports its efforts.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.Mediation for Gay and Lesbian Break Ups
Family Fairness is honored to host a guest post from Family Mediator Rich Gordon. Mr. Gordon discusses the difficulties same-sex couples face when their relationships end. Unlike opposite-sex married couples, same-sex couples in long-term unions do not have the luxury of turning to the courts for assistance when determining child custody, property division, pets, bills, or any of the number of joint obligations taken on during a partnership. Instead, Mr. Gordon recommends these couples look to a family mediator for assistance:
Sarah and Beth have lived together for seven years. They intended to live happily ever after, but as too often happens, they drifted apart and their relationship started to strain at the edges. Communications was cut off. Sex was a bother rather than a pleasure. They no longer laughed together. It was time to end it and move on.
Unfortunately there were "entanglements" which had to be addressed. There was the house they purchased and decorated together. There were credit card bills to face. There were life insurance policies taken out during better times. They had but one car to share between the two of them. Who would get the dog? There was only one CD player and so many discs. The biggest issue, however, was Margo; Sarah had given birth, but both were the child's parents.
Unlike straight couples, gay and lesbian couples do not have the option of turning to the law for an answer. Straight couples can use case law and statutes to untangle their relationships and property; gay and lesbian couples cannot. The law often does not protect the individuals of a same sex marriage as it does heterosexual couples. There are no rights of spousal support, visitation, pension benefits or other community property protections.
One solution for this problem is mediation. Through this process, parties can work on solutions that are not available to them through the traditional court system. By selecting mediation, the parties in a dissolving relatcionship are choosing to take charge of their lives by maintaining their sense of dignity and self-esteem. They are saying that they prefer to end their relationship in a cooperative, forward thinking way, which minimizes the anger associated with the break up.
A skilled and experienced mediator is able to create a safe place and a cooperative environment that encourages the parties to engage in open and honest discussion. The mediator's role is that of an impartial neutral. He must identify the issues, explore each parties underlying interests, and balance the power within the relationship.
A mediator is NOT an advocate for either party, nor does he make the decisions which affect the settlement. They are trained to listen and help each of the parties to stay focused on the task at hand. During the course of mediation, the parties are encourage to discuss all of the issues and explore the various options they have to resolve their differences.
The final product of a successful mediation is a Memorandum of Understanding. This is analogous to the Martial Settlement Agreement for straight couples. The Memorandum of Understanding is a contract that sets forth the details and specifics of the mutually agreed to decisions. If either party breaches any of the terms, the other has a right to sue for enforcement in a court of law.
Have a question, comment, or response? Share your thoughts.